I've Cooked For People I Should Have Poisoned (Unisex Classic T-shirt)

Some grudges fade. Others get sautéed.

This unisex classic tee serves up dark humor with a perfectly seasoned dose of honesty. The bold statement on the chest says what every overworked host, fed-up friend, or betrayed chef has thought at least once — with just enough irony to keep it (mostly) harmless. The clean, high-contrast typography and sharp layout give it a punchy, unapologetic attitude that demands a second look… and probably a nervous laugh.

Crafted from 100% cotton, this structured tee holds its shape and keeps its edges crisp, making it ideal for layered streetwear fits or as a standalone statement piece. The tubular fabric construction, taped neck and shoulders, and double seams at the sleeves and hem ensure durability without sacrificing comfort. It’s soft, breathable, and built to survive even the most dramatic dinner parties.

Fabric details:
• 100% cotton
• Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester
• Heather colors are 50% cotton, 50% polyester
• Fabric weight: 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (170–180 g/m²)
• Open-end yarn
• Tubular fabric
• Taped neck and shoulders
• Double seam at sleeves and bottom hem

Disclaimer:
• The White color variant may appear slightly off-white due to fabric properties.
• Contains 0% recycled polyester
• Contains 0% dangerous substances

For adults who prefer their humor dark and their outfits sharper than their kitchen knives.

Made on demand to reduce overproduction — because the only thing we’re trying to eliminate is waste.